THE DREAMER IN ME

 Every married person has hopes and dreams for their marriage especially on the wedding day, we all wish for and want a beautiful union. A healthy marriage and relationship requires consistent diligent work to improve however along the way there’s a lot of conflicts, disappointments and discouragements. The process of building a beautiful marriage requires commitment, communication, consistency, connection, compromise, companionship, compatibility, being seen and feeling safe the dream of a fulfilling and happy relationship. We all dream of marrying the love of our lives and we all dream of a happy marriage.

I must say I am a dreamer of note, I spend a lot of time thinking about and planning my life as well enjoyable events that are not likely to happen. I had aspirations, dreams, hopes and ambitions for us, I saw us achieving a lot together, I saw us growing old together, I saw us travelling the world together, I saw us living the dream… I wanted to achieve a lot with him by my side, I saw us conquering the world together, I thought we were a team but unfortunately, I learned the hard way that in marriage you both have to be all in. Building a beautiful marriage requires commitment and putting in some hard work that will eventually make it a dream/beautiful marriage. It takes time, effort and hard work but it is achievable if you both choose each other and fight for your love daily in order to live the dream. Unfortunately to get to the beautiful marriage part, you both have to dream together, dream the same dreams, strive towards achieving the same/common goals, the ultimate goal of building a life together but most importantly be best friends.

I dreamed of an unconditional acceptance in my marriage, more happiness than sadness, more contentment than resentment, more peace than fighting and more success than failure. I dreamed and yearned for companionship, trusting each other fully, communication without having to filter and being conscious of what you say might be wrong, having common goals and freely discussing expectations for our future.

I used to want to discuss and engage with him regarding his aspirations, dreams etc but he would say when he comes home it’s for him to relax not to get into serious discussions, I would be disappointed each time I tried getting him to dream with me. But because I’m a dreamer of note, I would discuss my aspirations, dreams and hopes with my children and they would listen without any judgement, make me feel like I can achieve all that I dream of even those dreams that are just fairytales and dream with me.

When I was sent to Germany on an expat assignment by my company, I dreamed of our marriage being restored. I was making plans as always in mind that it now going to be me, him and our children we will be able to find our way back into each other’s hearts. Boy was I so wrong, instead he was forever coming back to South Africa so my dreams were shattered. That is when I started accepting that my marriage was over we are just house mates even though I could see that it’s over I still had hope for us and dreamt of the day we would make up and find solid happiness.

With the consistent arguing, poor to no communication at all, the emotional distance, not spending time together, the absence of closeness, with my growing frustration and built up anger I eventually stopped dreaming because the writing on the wall was now clearly visible to me in BIG BOLD LETTERSthat there is no marriage here, I’m just holding on to what I thought or wished it could be. And that is why I cried out to the Lord to ask Him to speak to me in a language that I understand if I’m missing the signs!

I just have to be clear that I stopped dreaming for us but not for myself because I still have big dreams for my life, I still believe in ME! I still believe I can live the life I had always dreamed of! The life that God has predestined for me! I’m at a point in my life where I’m “Dreaming big, aiming high, Reaching for the stars in the sky. I’m setting my goals, chasing them and this I want to do very well and In my heart I’m letting the passion grow” – Anonymous

I endured a lot over a long time but it has never stopped me from dreaming big and hoping because I know God is in my story, He has supreme authority and absolute power over all things, He is in control and He is working all things according to the counsel of His will

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰I’m Just A Small Girl with A Big God, Mercy Rewrote My Life, Grace Has Located Me, I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕 I Am A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate mor💕🎉🥂💃🏽😍

Victor Hugo once said: There is nothing like a dream to create the future!

 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love & Light

Dipsy💚