CHILDREN A BLESSING FROM THE LORD

 Children are a blessing from the Lord and they should be celebrated as such. However, it is a problem if when a child is born and there’s a dark cloud of doubt and accusations hanging around that child’s birth being the order of the day. I must say reflecting on all the things that transpired in my marriage, I can safely concur with the people that always used to tell me I’m a very patient and strong woman, hai NO I can confirm that myself and I agree that I am a very patient strong woman and even more.

When I became pregnant with my son, I know for sure that not everybody was happy with my pregnancy. But regardless nna I was very happy and didn’t care about how other people feel because a child is a blessing from God irrespective of gender. I remember when I went to check the gender, finding out that I was carrying a boy yoh I went crazy, I was super excited. I started buying baby clothes, baby necessities etc. which by the way most people thought I was crazy because I still had a long way to go but I couldn’t contain my excitement because I always wanted to have a relationship with my son that my mother had with my brother and the way my brother adored my mother, I always wanted that for myself.

But things were not easy for me with my son’s pregnancy, it was a very challenging one, I was sick most of the duration of my pregnancy but through God’s grace and mercy I made it through, I was blessed with a beautiful baby and we were both healthy! Saying that I was so happy is an understatement, I was beyond happy but most of all I was so grateful to God that at last He blessed me and gave me a man who is going to love and adore me irrespective of my flaws. I was grateful that my son came into my life when I needed God’s love and a miracle to save me from my misery and with him God gave me exactly that, His love and a miracle. All I’ve had and have to do was just look into his eyes and know that I’m already blessed with one. I was excited because God answered my prayer of having a boy child, a few hours after he was born I was already calling my friends and family members for them to come see how beautiful my baby is. Lol… I remember my BFF calling me and before she could even say anything I was already on her case demanding that she must come and see my beautiful baby, she just laughed and said as soon as she’s back in the country she will come see him. When she eventually came, she told my mom that she came to see the beautiful baby that I was making so much noise about. Lol… 

Our tradition is against what I was doing, but I couldn’t contain my excitement. According to our tradition, people can’t come see your child until the cord stump falls off or at least the baby is 3 months old. Nna I wasn’t having any of that, one of my friends came the very first day we were discharged from the hospital and my mom was not happy with me which I still don’t understand, and I must confess this is the one arear I didn’t take her advice. But I remember one day when I was visiting her with my son, I think he was around a year or so and she confessed to me that these myths they had growing up that they were made to believe work, do not work as she saw that with me and my children because nothing happened to my children and I allowed people to come see my children whenever even during the time it was considered crucial for a child’s growth where no one was allowed to see them.

A week later after I was discharged from hospital with my son, that weekend my late mother-in-law came to see my son. When she came, he was sleeping she didn’t get to see him immediately and at some point she got scared that maybe there’s something wrong with my son because he slept for a long time and I reassured her that he sleeps a lot and for long periods. I think it was 2 hours later that she came that my son woke up and I went to get him from the bedroom. She took him from me, kissed him and started singing their clan praises upon him. Then it was time to feed my son so I took him from her and fed him then he slept again, she offered to put him to bed. We all went to the bedroom where she put him to sleep in his cot bed, my ex-husband came in while she was putting him to bed. I was not ready for what my mother-in-law said after she put my son to bed. She said and I quote “this is not my son’s child, he looks so much like his Indian dad”. I was hurt and felt insulted but I kept my cool and looked at my ex-husband expecting him to say something and stand up for me but he just laughed and didn’t say anything. My mother then said to me “Dipuo get your baby album and show your mother-in-law that this baby’s hair looks exactly like yours when you were a baby” and I said to my mother, “I have nothing to prove to anybody whoever has a problem with my child then that’s their own problem” then I walked away. I was fuming inside because even with my second child it was said that there’s a suspicion that she’s not his. How do you accuse me of such when you know very well that your son is the one who’s busy sleeping around and cheating on me? This was never addressed until later when I exploded because I felt my ex-husband when it came to his mother he didn’t protect me and if I were to say anything it’s going to seem like I’m being disrespectful.

Anyway little did I know that this was what many people were discussing that my son was not my ex-husband’s. I remember this one time, there’s this friend of ours that used to help me out with the girls taking them to school for me when I couldn’t during my pregnancy. She came to drop off the girls a month after we were discharged from the hospital and she asked permission to see my son and take him a picture. I didn’t see anything wrong with what she did because it’s normal that when you visit someone who just had a baby, pictures are taken. Now here’s the catch, apparently she was going to show my sister-in-law’s friends who were slandering my name along with her saying my son is not my ex-husband’s. I remember her telling me I think around the time my son was about 10 years or so, reminding me of that day she asked permission to take pictures of my son. She said didn’t you find it odd that I would ask to take a picture of your son and I said No because it’s done most of the time and she said it’s because she wanted me to remember that day when she tells me what she was about to tell me. I was scared and not sure if I wanted to hear what she was going to tell me but then I was curious and I said what? She said because she was told that my son is not my ex-husband’s, when she saw him she was shocked how my son looked like his dad and she just wanted to go and show the very same people that were spreading the rumour, she wanted to warn them that they will get arrested and go to jail because my son is a replica of his dad. I was shocked that even people that close to my ex-husband and who had access to my son from very early on who saw that he looked like him would even engage in such discussions and accuse me of such but I wasn’t surprised because I didn’t expect much from those ladies anyway. Before this lady told me that I think my son was about a year and a half or so, we did a photoshoot with the kids i.e. me and the kids, my ex-husband posted the pics of our kids on Facebook and one of my friends who had never seen my son called me and told me that she just saw my son on his dad’s FB page and she was just asking me if that is truly my son and I said “yes, why” and she said she can’t believe because she herd my son was not my ex-husband’s. She said she can’t believe the way he looks like his dad because she was given the impression that my son looks just like “his dad” and I said to her yes, she looks like my ex-husband his dad, we laughed about it. Even though when we talked about it with those that know, we laugh about it but I was hurt and felt insulted and disrespected. This is the worst form of gossip one can spread but I guess it is what it is.

There was this one time when I was still on maternity leave, I think my son was about 2 months old, I went out for breakfast and shopping with one of my friends. I wanted to get my son a few sleepsuits and also my friend wanted to get a few clothing items for her kids. As we were busy browsing through the shop, I remember hearing a baby cry and I said to my friend, this baby’s cry sound exactly like that of my son what if they stole him let’s go check the baby out. As we were approaching where the sound came from, I stopped to check some of the clothes out but she continued and came back laughing and then I asked why is she laughing, what is it that she saw? and she said “the baby that is crying is your son’s cousin”, she then said to me it’s an Indian baby, we laughed because now it had become a joke.

I remember this one time we went to visit my mom with the girls and my son after church, while we were sitting in the lounge and the girls were playing with  their brother then my mother sighed and I said what? she said “looking at your son now, I feel your mother-in-lay was so disrespectful to make such a bold statement and accusation that your son is not your husband’s because look at him he looks so much like him”, I wasn’t ready for what came next out of her mouth, she said “hai maybe there’s Indian in their lineage hence she said what she said”. Now we all know that my mother had a smart mouth, I know it took a lot out of her not to express her anger that day my mother-in-law said my son is not my ex-husband’s but I thank God that she didn’t open her mouth because I just don’t want to imagine the damage it would have caused.

There’s a lot of times when I would be accused of things I know nothing of but I still remained faithful and respectful. I was basically alone, without protection and I knew that and had accepted it because even if I would bring it up and try to make my husband see how it makes me feel, he would not protect me instead I would be accused of being too insensitive and it’s because I hate his side of the family so my peace of mind, I always bottled things up.

While it's important to maintain close ties with extended family, this should not be done at the expense of your significant other. A spouse should feel valued, prioritized and protected but I was not made to feel that I am valued, prioritized and protected at all. Our partners are our chosen family, the people we've committed to sharing our lives with so if they constantly feel sidelined, it can cause resentment and distance. In any marriage God should be the priority and after that, your spouse should come first and you have to protect with all you have but unfortunately marriages these days there’s a lot of outside factors no longer is the man and wife one as the Bible stipulates. As a wife feeling like a secondary priority in your husband's life is painful and isolating because a husband should prioritize his wife as a marital relationship is the centre of a healthy family dynamic and requires commitment and support.

I eventually had to make peace with the fact that not everyone will be happy with the blessings God bestows upon me and people will always talk whether you do good or not, I just have to accept my reality and thank God every day for my blessing and forgive not for others but for me, for my freedom and peace of mind.

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰. I’m Just A Small Girl with A Big God, Mercy Rewrote My Life, Grace Has Located Me I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕, A Very Beautiful Story ❤️Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽😍

 

You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness - Exodus 23:1🙏🏾🙏🏾

He who vindicates Me is near; Who will contend with Me? Let us stand up to each other; Who has a case against Me? Let him draw near to Me - Isaiah 50:8🙏🏾🙏🏾

 

Love & Light

Dipsy💚