IT WON’T ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT

 

Dear Dipsy,

It has been two years and 9 months since you said goodbye to being a wife, and hello to being true to yourself. Times have been tough, and the last two years have felt like a rollercoaster emotionally, physically and spiritually. Things will get better, time most definitely heals almost all wounds, and you'll realize there's peace and forgiveness in your heart. Heartbreak and anger will fade into acceptance and newly found independence. The bright side and solace found within your marriage ending is the positive people and circumstances in your life that wouldn't have been there if you hadn't gone through the agony of change.

Yaaaassssss girl, you have been through quite a stormy ride! But hey you made it out of the storm intact. Yes, it may look a bit different now than it used to be because a lot has happened in the two years, some people have changed, others have remained the same and true to you. The overall landscape is different, the lens has been adjusted, your family ties are irreparably broken. Your children are confused and sad, your ability to focus has decreased. You too have changed, you are not the same woman you were not so long ago and it’s okay.

On some days you will feel like you would have been better off if you had stayed in the toxic marriage because that was a familiar place. On some days you will carry the crippling weight of guilt for not getting out. In those moments, stop whatever you’re doing and slap yourself hard because you did your absolute best under your given circumstances. I know, I was there, I saw it all and felt it to the core.  It was traumatic, unpleasant, upsetting with a lot of rushed beauty moments. It made you doubt a lot about yourself, constantly questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world, it was scary, it was ugly and it was very lonely.

When you feel like that, look deep inside and acknowledge those memories and feelings out loud. Pull them out from wherever they are harboured deep within and force them into the daylight reducing their power over your own story. This will only fuel your next move, keep one foot in front of the other, keep pushing forward, keep going. Remember that it’s okay to be lonely, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be fearful especially when making life’s choices, it’s okay to eat cake or any other dessert for dinner because you don’t feel like cooking, it’s okay to be tired.

It won’t always be like that, perfection is a myth. Days will perfectly blend together. You will make wrong choices but one day, you’ll look back on this difficult time in your life and celebrate how strong and resilient you were. You will remember affectionately and fondly those who were there for you, those who witnessed your pain, and lifted you up when you fell. You will be grateful for the lessons you learned, the grace and resilience you showed when you truly wanted to react so differently.

It won’t always be like that, life is overwhelming. Life as a single mom sure is tough, but it actually sets you free, it makes you strong. You have always been worth fighting for, continue to be inspiring, know you're never alone, you deserve to be loved, supported, and treated as an equal. You are a loving mother, friend, aunt, sister… so keep your zesty spirit alive. One day, you’ll look back on this difficult time in your life in awe of your ability to stand tall when your spirit was broken and to forge ahead when the future appeared uncertainly bleak. You’ll be amazed that you got out of bed, went to work, cleaned the house, cooked meals, went to school events and kept appointments. 

It won’t always be like that. You will lose some friends who won't understand you've had to be quite selfish at times to survive, but, the people in your life right now truly love and support you, no matter how often you're too busy to respond to a text (and then forget it ever existed in the first place), can't answer a phone call because you're busy trying to figure out life and find yourself again.

It won’t always be like that, call it out, ask for help, cry if you need to. Know that there will come a time when you need to wipe your face and pick yourself off the floor and keep moving. You are responsible for your own success: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, parental. All of these things will come from you. Dearest Dipsy, cry until there are no more tears, pick yourself up and keep going.

It won’t always be like that, you will thank yourself for remembering to always find the beauty in darkness and not see the glass half empty but half full. Immersing yourself in a life filled with liveliness, strength, humbleness and exciting adventures will keep you mentally healthy and happy. You must strive to live a life full of self-love and creativity that you so deserve and have always yearned for.

It won’t always be like that, you wonder how your daughters will make sense of the abrupt breakup of their once secure, rock-solid family and how this will affect their perspective on future relationships. Your son will push you like you have never been pushed, resist the urge to react. It doesn’t teach him anything. Love is best given with gentle hands and soft voices, he is bound to respond eventually. It’ll take him a while but he will come around eventually. He must learn and some things he will learn the hard way. Time will continue to pass and you will always put being a good mama first, don't ever feel like you're making the wrong choice by doing so. Nevertheless, remember that taking time outside of work and mommy life to fill your being with things that make you happy will make you a better person and an even better mother. Take time to dabble in hobbies, mend friendships, and do things that make you feel whole.

It won’t always be like that. You'll fall in love with the simple things again, you will find a passion in serving others, you'll read inspiring books, you'll make an adventure and travel bucket list and start to check them off and you will start a journal. You will do extraordinary collaborations in your professional career, you will be justified to feel really proud of yourself for all your achievements, those small and big wins. For now, breathe, stay strong, and keep moving forward one step at a time. You will arrive at your destination in due time. 

It won’t always be like that. Right now, you wonder how to make sense of all that went wrong, the turn of events, a roller-coaster ride that you never wished upon yourself nor any other person. The tide had already turned, but you were in denial. Change was already in the air and behind the scenes, you were just not aware of it. Your heartbreak was hiding around the corner, just out of sight ready to jump out when you least expected it. You wonder when you can feel relaxed, safe, at peace and loved again. You wonder when you be able to breathe again. 

It won’t always be like that, seek out resources. Music is your companion right now, embrace it for its ability to bring you joy, comfort and to help you relax in the turmoil, it is the one outlet/channel that doesn’t judge you, or want you to be anything other than your true self regardless of how you feel in the moment, it is pretty damn amazing.

Going back to school and empowering yourself is a wonderful plan. Don’t be afraid though to let that go when you are presented with other phenomenal opportunities. Learning is so much more and goes beyond the classroom.

It won’t always be like that, accept your new reality. Every other Friday as you approach "daddy's weekend" should there ever be such in your world, you will forever worry about what your son is eating, if he’s been taken care of like you would, you will wonder if he misses your time together, if he’s enjoying himself and question what he's doing when he's not with you. Nonetheless, you'll eventually learn to accept that this is your new norm, that he is just a phone call away. Besides, his hugs and kisses will be even more special after a couple days apart (although a weekend will always feel like forever).

It won’t always be like that, open up your heart again to love. Even though it may seem like something you'll never want to open your heart up to again, I can tell you that you will eventually go on dates. Some dates may convince you that you may want to be single forever, you will constantly question what's up/wrong with the modern dating scene? The point is to meet people again, talk about mature grown-up things and feel like a worthy person again.

It won’t always be like that, embrace advocacy. Be your own advocate, your voice is beautiful let it be heard. Be your children’s advocate, even if it is to allow them to be away from your presence so you can breathe, have me time and rest. Don’t be afraid to ask to be held, you need to be held psychologically and emotionally. This has nothing to do with sexual intimacy but all to do with knowing that you are not alone in this world. This doesn’t make you weak, it is one of the greatest attributes of the strength you possess.

I know you don't believe this now, but you will eventually find room in your heart to forgive the betrayal and the hurt of infidelity. As a result of it, you’ll find what true power, strength, resilience and courage feels like. This will motivate you to always remain true to yourself and your beliefs, be grateful always and continue to blossom and grow.

It won’t always be like that, your eyes will be opened to reality. One day, you’ll look back on this difficult time in your life and be proud that you didn’t make a habit of bad-mouthing your ex-husband. You’ll wonder why it took you so long to grasp that people change in ways you could never fathom and that there is no explanation as to why they do, it just happens sometimes that things just are.

It won’t always be like that, count your blessings. One day, you’ll look back on this difficult time in your life and find comfort in that you remained grateful for the blessings you received and kept rather than being bitter for the ones you lost. You will be proud that you were able to help someone when you still needed help yourself. You will be grateful for the people who shared their own stories with you because they knew you would understand their grief and sorrow. You will be over the moon that your children were there to witness your strength as well as your vulnerability. Always remind yourself that you are A Beautiful Strong Black Queen.👑

You don’t owe answers and explanations to anyone but yourself. Your intelligence, sense and judgement are far more than your net worth or jean size. You are worthy of the space you plan to take up. You are not alone my dearest queen.👑

I LOVE YOU TSHETLHANA YA KO GA MFIKOE, SETLOGOLO SA BAKWENA BA MOGOPA LE BAKGATHLA.

 My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰I’m Just A Small Girl with A Big God, Mercy Rewrote My Life, Grace Has Located Me, I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail - Isaiah 58-11🙏🏾🙏🏾

 

Love & Light

Dipsy💚