INTIMIDATION

Intimidation comes in a lot of forms from bullying, verbal threats, low-key signs of hurt & maltreatment etc., the main purpose of intimidation is to get the victim to have fear or feel threatened with the intension to control one’s actions and behaviour. This is a way to force the victim to agree to a demand made on them, or to silence and/or prevent them from taking action. Mostly in relationships especially marriage, most men tend to abuse their power and control over their women, this is also another form of emotional abuse. Most of the time when they do this they claim to be passionate and feel strongly about an issue however the true purpose is to be in control of the situation and overwhelm you basically bully you. All the energy and fire used in that moment is meant to manipulate your mind and put you under duress while expected to still engage in the conversation in a calm manner. Intimidation is not passion; it is not them feeling strong about an issue or intense because when you’re being intimidated you become helpless and overpowered - Fear and intimidation is a trap that holds you back. But when you place your confidence in the Lord, you will be seated in the high place: Proverbs 29:25🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

Unfortunately, this was my daily bread in my marriage, I would be intimidated a lot, I used to walk on eggshells being extremely cautious and careful in how I used to speak and act around my ex-husband. He is naturally a super sensitive person; he would easily get upset and offended so 90% of the time I would be extremely cautious on how I address issues with him. Because I knew for sure that if I dared to confront him or ask him, he would be even more upset with me. It’s sad but let me tell you, there was this peace when he was not home, I would be very happy and free to be me. The sad part is I didn’t exactly know at the time that this is emotional abuse, I would just take it and be quite just for peace sake but deep down I knew something was wrong, this wasn’t supposed to be how you should feel around your spouse. I remember my youngest daughter would ask me why do I allow her dad to talk to me in such a disrespectful manner? I wouldn’t have an answer for her each time she asked me - And not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God: Philippians 1:28 🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

The sad part is even his family knew about this toxic trait of his, I remember they used to call him Pharoah. Being intimidated all the time you start developing complex issues, you become insecure and feel inadequate. I remember I started having low self-esteem, I was anxious all the time especially around him and would not accept compliments. I withdrew from people, I was very selective about who I let into my space and I also found safe spaces and that was my childhood home when my mother was still alive, my house and my BFF’s house. I would reject invites or cancel at last minute all because I would not feel good about myself and always thinking that no matter how hard I try to hide it, people still see through me -  The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe: Proverbs 29:25 🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

Being intimidated is painful because you always live in fear of not doing the right thing and believe me 90% of the time you make mistakes, you feel trapped and can’t help yourself. Men take advantage because they know women are the easiest target to intimidate and that’s exactly what my ex-husband used to do. This is wrong and I now know that I deserve better and I now know not to allow myself to get trapped in such intimidating conversations and situations especially in relationships -  For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline: 2 Timothy 1:7🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

One of his intimidating tactics would be to use my prayers against me, I would pray and he would pretend to be sleeping and when I say Amen, he would wake up and say and I quote “you must start living your prayers. I don’t know how you pray for forgiveness and you don’t forgive when I wrong you, you pray for peace but you don’t have it” forgetting that he is the reason I do not have peace. I would just keep quite and not say anything to him because I knew he just wanted to provoke me. But what was ironic is that he would not say anything when I prayed for him, for his protection, for him to prosper in everything he does. I remember him saying that he knows that my prayers are what is protecting him when he’s out there in the streets. Which always surprised me because of how he used to ridicule my prayers, I remember this one time one of my cousins once said to me when I shared the prayers that I pray for my ex-husband and I quote “are these the type of prayers you pray for your husband? Given all that he does to you and still pray like this for him? And she said “o lokile shem Sis” -  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them:Romans 12:14 🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

One of the other forms of intimidation tactics he would use to intimidate me would be that when I go out with our children, especially if he didn’t know where we went, he would call and say to me I should bring back his kids back home or he would even go to an extend of calling my late mother. I remember when he left me, he went to my aunts and told them that I am bipolar and they should encourage me to take my medication. Yoh you can imagine the shock I had when they called and asked me why I didn’t disclose that I’m bipolar, I said to the one aunt who called me “I honestly don’t know whether I should laugh or cry”. I didn’t understand why now he was trying to go after my character and reputation, this honestly was a low blow for me because he was now fighting dirty especially because he not only said to my aunts but some of his friends and one of my cousins. But I must applaud my cousin because when he said to her that I’m bipolar, she said to him when did I develop that mental condition because she grew up with me and still interacts with me and I have never given the vibe nor shown the signs that I have the condition. As I was sitting alone, I thought hard about it, I was very angry because now I was thinking this man is now playing with fire because he is now tarnishing my reputation, trying to get people to think that I’m crazy and not well mentally, why would he want to do that? What is he trying to accomplish? I decided I will not play his game and stoop to his level; I did not react to his slandering - Do not go about spreading slander among your people: Leviticus 19:16 🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

There was this one time where he tried to intimidate me once again, I was going to Sun City with friends for a music concert and he was supposed to fetch our son from my friends from church who went with my son to a church conference for young men. He called me while we were driving with my friends, I think it was around 14:00 or so, mind you he’s on speaker phone. He wanted to know what time our son will be back from the conference because no one has contacted him yet to meet him so he can get our son because we had said probably around 13:00 they might be back. When I said the reason, they haven’t called him yet is because they’re not back yet. Hey, I have never been shouted, sworn and screamed at like that day, little did he know that he was on speaker. He said and I quote “I will not wait for him, I have plans you will see what you will do and make a plan for him”. This was his tactic of trying to intimidate me and ensuring that I go nowhere as he knew when it comes to my son and his well-being I would drop anything to make sure he’s okay, I said nothing to him until he finished hung up the phone, believe me when I say after that call there was dead silence in the car for about ±10 to 15 minutes, then my friends youngest sister said out loud “hai votsek with saying my ex-husband’s name and wena Dips you are going to have fun, don’t let this man steal your joy”, we laughed about it and then I called the friends that had my son to ask if they could keep him overnight and I will fetch him in the morning and gladly they said no problem I should enjoy. I tell you that day I had the most fun and I knew my son was okay and o mongwe ena his evil plans didn’t prevail shem – No weapon formed against me shall prosper: Isaiah 54:17🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

I’m learning every day not to step away from such toxic interactions that aims to intimidate me and I’m striving to establish healthy boundaries, refusing to be entangled in conversation that are purposed to overpower me. I was taught through therapy that I need to remain calm, speak out, name it and acknowledge that it’s intimidation and emotional abuse. I have to take charge, recognize it for what it is then address the problem as a first step toward breaking free from this cycle of abuse - If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 🙏🏽🙏🏽

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl with A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand - Isaiah 41:10🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

Love & Light

Dipsy💚