BEING LABELED THE DEVIL

  

It’s funny how people rejoice over people’s downfalls and heartache. It’s human nature we feed and somehow find comfort in knowing that the other person is down and out. I tell you my divorce opened my eyes and now I know that people feel better about themselves over failure of another individual especially people with self-low esteem. It is somehow a boost to one's own ego and gives one a sense of worth. Women in particular yoh, we treat each other bad, we feel better by putting other women down If I tell you I got judged more by women than men and mostly women who knew my story, women who actually where there when my ex-husband did me wrong because everything he said about me they believed and actually judged me on that. I don’t hold any grudge or ill feelings toward my fellow sisters, but I wish women would be more compassionate towards fellow sisters when we go through hardship.

 

My ex-husband made it his mission to turn people against me, but that didn’t bother me because frankly I don’t care what other people think of me but what bothered me was when he started doing that with our children to a point that he would even force then to agree to things that he said to them about me just to make himself feel good about himself and justify why he was divorcing me. What I couldn’t understand was because he’s the one who wanted to divorce me so why is he now acting as if he’s the victim? 

 

When I agreed to divorcing him my focus was different than his, I didn’t see the point in bad mouthing and making him seem bad especially to our kids. I still wanted them to respect him and love him, I wanted them to have a relationship with him and a healthy one for that matter. The focus for me was mainly healing of all the traumas and toxic wars that were going on inside me. I was already jumping into the next chapter of my life, deciding what I want and how I want to achieve it, all I wanted was to build a positive future that is going to help me navigate my then “difficult” situation. To this day I still advocate positively for him to our children, what I didn’t understand and still don’t get is why is his grieving and adjustment process involving me being the devilish monster in his story and him the victim?

 

I was labelled evil, bitter, angry, a bad mother, I was said to be bipolar but the one that takes the cake with a cherry on top it was him spreading rumours that I cheated on him all because 2 weeks before we finally separated and called it quits, I bought myself a bouquet of flowers. This one, I must say I even laughed at this one myself because wow, you can label me a lot of things but a cheater, NO my guy try next door. I remember confronting him about the bipolar one and warning him that I will sue him for defamation of character because he knows very well that it is a lie what he was busy telling people about me.

 

His manipulation of our situation almost affected me because honestly, I gave my marriage my all and for him to start saying hurtful things about me like that all because he wanted pity and justify why he was leaving me was just brutal. But I thank God Almighty for family, friends, colleagues, and professional help. I was constantly reminded that I’m not defined by my divorce nor my ex-husband’s opinions of me and the situation I was in. I was constantly reminded that I should focus on creating a fulfilling and happy life for myself and my children.

 

Through therapy I learned not to internalize the blame and the accusations, I was told I’m allowed to feel hurt and betrayed by my ex-husband given all the hurtful things that he said about me. I had to develop coping strategies because my healing was very important, and my focus was to be more on wanting to heal than what my ex-husband was saying about me and his actions towards me. Instead of dwelling on my ex-husband’s negative perception of me, I was advised to concentrate on setting personal goals because I needed to reshape and rebuild a successful future that I wanted for myself, and my children based on positivity.

 

My therapist advised me to minimize any contact with my ex-husband, especially because he was the main contributor to all my negative emotions, and it was conflicting. She also recommended that I practice self-care which includes prioritizing my physical and emotional well-being through exercising, healthy eating, and engaging in activities I enjoy. One of my colleagues advised that I should build a support structure by surrounding myself with friends, family, and support groups for encouragement.

 

I learned to be very patient with myself because my therapist reminded me with each session that healing is a journey that takes time, and it's okay to have stumbling blocks along the way. I think what accelerated my healing progress was that I was reminded of my own strengths, my positive qualities, past wins as well as past accomplishments.

One important factor is that every individual was going to have their own understanding, perspective and view of my situation and it’s just that. It was and still is important for me to accept that other people, including friends, family, and even my own children, may have different opinions, perspectives and views as opposed to the actual truth and it’s okay.

 

My ex-husband wanted me to be so bad that he would manipulate the children and make me out to be this bad person to them to a point that he told one of my friends that the way I am so bad I’m even fighting with my eldest daughter. My friend said to him that is normal because any who doesn’t have disagreements with their children is not a good parents should have disagreements with their children because they discipline the children more than being friends with them. I remember he went and said to my aunts that the way I am so evil even the children say they’re not happy with me and they’re scared of me. I confronted my children about it and said if they’re not happy with me then I release them they should go and live with him. I remember them saying no, dad was the one who said that you are a bad person and has nothing positive to say about you when we’re him. Just now recently he said to my youngest daughter that I said to him that I would have peace only if he died. I have mistakes, I make mistakes and I have been unkind before but I would never and I have never wished any evil upon anyone. Instead of being offended or hurt I actually felt sorry for him, for how do you formulate a lie like that? Is it only to gain pity or is it so you appear as a victim? Or is it so our children could hate me? This is beyond sad but hey that’s my reality, to him I guess I’m the she-devil, the she-devil that put up with him and his sh@t for 22+ years, the she-devil that takes care of his children while he’s busy living his life without being held accountable and taking any responsibility. I’m the nicest and kindest she-devil I know.

 

I’ve mastered not to internalize the negative labels and insults especially from him because to be honest I only tolerate him because I have children with him otherwise, he doesn’t exist in my world. I’m only focusing on my own healing and building a healthy, positive, happy and successful life for myself and my children. No matter how much he tries, he will never break me because I’m a strong black queen👑 who draws her strength from the Lord, one thing he should know is that “you can't break a woman who has learned to lean on the promises of God and gets her strength from God because after every fall she rises with prayer and faith in her heart”🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

 

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour - 1 Peter 5:8🙏🏽🙏🏽

Because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment - James 2:13🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

Love & Light

Dipsy💚