DOING THE WORK🙏🏾💕

My healing journey was brutal that much I can tell you. I’m not completely healed and I’m not claiming to be because healing is a journey that requires acknowledging and processing a lot of emotions, rebuilding one’s self-sense and developing a healthy way of managing all these emotions. 

 

Divorce is a difficult process to go through, it’s emotionally draining especially if the two parties are not cordial. It takes a toll on your mental wellbeing; emotions are raging and mostly the negative emotions that you experience guilt, shame, depression, unhappy and failure they somehow feel justified. You also go through a lot of unhealthy feelings like anger, bitterness and resentment. Through my healing journey, I learned that you can never break a woman who finds beauty in everything including her pain. A woman who turns her wounds into wisdom, her battles into strength and her mistakes into rebirth and fully embracing it, a woman who knows that she did the best she could with what she knew at the time and is letting go of her guilt, shame and regret, a woman who is healing, a woman who is learning, a woman who is growing, a woman who has set boundaries, a woman who stopped settling, a woman stepping into her power, a woman who’s reminding herself daily that strength isn’t just about surviving, it is about thriving and a woman who is putting herself first.

 

I was at my lowest, I was in the darkest phase of my life and the irony of it is that people used to tell me all the time that I’m strong. There was a time when I wanted to just scream because to me saying that I was strong was being very dismissive of my pain as well as my hurt and it meant I should just tough it out, that I’m not justified in how I feel.

 

I was floating, I felt disconnected, I was on survival mode, I was hurting and crying every day behind closed doors for 3 months straight not wanting people to see me at my lowest. For the first time in my life, I understood the true meaning of the saying “Nobody hides pain better than a mother who is trying to remain strong for her kids” especially when trying to keep everything together. I thought if my children are going to see me break, how do I expect them to hold up. I was fighting my demons; I lost a lot of weight (the picture below of how I looked). I remember one of my aunts advising me to stop taking pictures and uploading on my WhatsApp status because I do not look well, and I thought this one doesn’t know what she’s talking about until on the 24^th of September 2022 when I took the picture below and posted then I saw what she was talking about and I stopped, I’m not exaggerating when I say these pants were a size 26 and yet they were a bit loose and my BFF when she came to fetch me from house asking me when I bought those pants did I know that I was going to be that skinny. I remember the way I had lost a lot of weight my clothes were big on me to a point that even my underwear was big on me, one of my elderly colleagues at work once said to me I should consider only wearing dresses because my pants are too big for me (that’s how bad it was). But now, my God is good-o I’m back to my old self even bigger than my normal size. Lol…

 

I have done the work, I had people who believed in me, people who practically wheeled me back to sanity, people who refused to let me dwell in my sorrow, people who constantly reminded me who I am and whose I am, people who made me laugh through my pain, people who helped me see that there’s hope in my hopeless situation, people who reminded me that I have the power because I’m not a victim but a victor, an overcomer and a child of God🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

 

Doing the work was not easy, it took a lot of energy and courage and determination to want to heal and be sane again. The thing is when you’ve been, married for as long as I was, it’s easy to forget who you are outside of being that person’s partner and outside of the relationship. I lost my identity because my worth was now tied to being validated by that man as society has taught us as young girls growing up. We were taught that as a woman our value came from being in a relationship and being married, that being loved by your partner defines who you are. And that is exactly why divorce for women carries so much shame, being labelled a failure and being deemed as not valuable anymore and society looking down on you. This is a cruel and false narrative. Just because I am divorced doesn’t mean I am damaged goods neither am I not valuable or worthy.

 

I had to unlearn some of these things stereotypes surrounding divorce, I had to do the work and be intentional about it especially in changing the narrative. I had to unlearn that I do not have to be chosen to feel acknowledged and validated, I had to unlearn that I’m not enough, I had to apologise to self for abandoning myself in the marriage to keep the peace, for ignoring my true feelings and making it easy for negative emotions (anger, bitterness, resentment) to grow and spread, for shrinking myself to boost my ex-husband’s ego, for calling survival strength, for accepting less than what I know I deserve and am worth, for not choosing myself, loving myself and leaving sooner.

 

I have done the work, I had to find myself, this required me to accept my new reality and know that “Nothing I do now can change the past, but I do have the power to shape my future”. I had to remind myself every time that “CHANGE IS ALWAYS DIFFICULT”. I have learned that getting knocked down in life is inevitable, getting up and moving forward is a choice because my dreams are mine to fulfil, and this life is mine to live!

 

I have done the work, I had to ask myself the most uncomfortable and thought-provoking questions starting with “Who is Dipuo? What does Dipuo want? Where and how did I lose myself? How do I perceive my new reality?” etc. The thing is for a woman, it’s easy to live for another person and stop dreaming, this is what happened to me, I stopped dreaming, I stopped challenging myself to be a better version of myself, I wanted to be chosen, I wanted to be validated, I wanted to be seen and that is where I failed myself. Because the most important person that should matter in my life is me, the thoughts I have about myself, can either be limiting or empowering ones. It is important to let go of what others think of me, start accepting who I am the way I am and having positive thoughts about myself.

 

I have done the work, through it all and in the midst of it all God was there with me holding my hand and leading the way. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’m healing, and I’m a working progress. Healing made me private, my growth made me very choosy/selective and peace made me easygoing. I’m embracing my new life, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m content with who I am and what I have, I have peace, the peace that sometimes scares me i.e. the peace that surpasses all understanding. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I know who Dipuo is, I’m in control of my life and I know what Dipuo truly wants, I’m learning to be more kind to myself (learning to stop the negative self-talk) because I’ve done the work. I have amazing people in my life who helped me to do the work and held me accountable every step of the way. That broken and damaged version of Dipuo had to die and the new healed version, well I can safely say SHE’S NEVER GOING BACK!

 

I have done the work and still am doing the work because now I have to let go and let my past write my future. I must be honest; I have developed trust issues, and I fear being hurt all over again following my divorce because of the infidelity, deceit and betrayal in my marriage. However, I refuse to let what I have experienced in the past sabotage a potential new relationship. It is difficult to bounce back from betrayal, but I fully intend to let all my past experiences shape my future and use the wisdom I gained to my advantage. I know that I will find happiness again because I used my divorce as the opportunity for growth and self-rediscovery, a liberating and affirming experience as I took time to rediscover what truly makes me happy and doing things I enjoy. Now what is left for me is to get out more, take up new hobbies and open myself up to love again. Divorce can also be an incredibly powerful force for change. Letting go isn’t losing—it’s making room for something better. My philosophy? Let go of what you thought it should be and be grateful for what it is.   

 

Everything heals.

Your body heals.

Your heart heals.

The mind heals.

Wounds heal.

Your soul repairs itself.

Your happiness is always going to come back. Bad times don’t last - Unknown🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

I am definitely bouncing back, I owe it to myself and baby believe me when I say thatTHIS COME BACK IS VERY PERSONAL, IT IS AN APOLOGY TO DIPSY🙏🏽👑💕🥰

 

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕 Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise - Jeremiah 17:14🙏🏽🙏🏽

He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds - Psalm 147:3🙏🏽🙏🏽

 

Love & Light

Dipsy💚