FORGIVENESS JOURNEY

 

Forgiveness is a very difficult and hard thing to do but we must forgive as it is the right thing to do. I struggled with forgiveness for a very long time, and I must admit that it was very hard especially when you must forgive a person that keeps hurting and doing you wrong. But at the same time we have to know that with some people you are never going to get an apology so you have to forgive anyway because forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you, it’s about you and setting yourself free from the burden of holding onto anger and all the negative emotions and feelings associated with unforgiveness. It is also about focusing on your own well-being and your healing process.

Forgiveness is a journey that requires deep introspection of all the negative emotions (anger, resentment, and bitterness) that are harboured deep within our hearts and letting them go but that doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. It is like peeling off the layers of emotions that got tougher over the years requiring a lot of patience and time. I must admit forgiveness was hard for me and the unfortunate part is I felt justified in how I feel. One of the things I learned in therapy was that it is healthy to acknowledge my emotions, all the hurt and recognizing the pain caused to me while acknowledging that it is wrong to hold onto them, I learned that I have to let go not for my ex-husband but for me, as challenging as it was, I had to do a self-reflection on the part I played to get to where I am because believe it or not it takes two to tango, I’m not perfect I also played a part in this. I had to confront difficult emotions (anger, bitterness, resentment) and move beyond the control of my past wounds over me, I had to choose to forgive and this I had to do for me.

I thank God for prayer warriors in my life, I remember one morning it was on a Tuesday in November 2024 I was praying and a messaged popped up on my phone. Normally I don’t check nor respond to messages or answer calls during my prayer time, but something prompted me to check my phone. I received a message from Apostle Modiegi saying and I quote “Dips, I’m standing in the gap praying for you, but the Holy Spirit just revealed to me that you haven’t fully forgiven your ex-husband. She said you need to let go and forgive him otherwise you will be creating generational curses for your children. The text then continued to say “Modimo ga a batle go thusiwa”, let go my sister we are praying for you, she said ask God to reveal the areas where you haven’t fully forgiven and surrendered to Him, once He reveals them to you ask Him for strength and guidance on what you should do, repent, consecrate yourself to the Lord and forgive your ex-husband fully.” I remember after reading that text I cried because I realized I’ve been fooling myself thinking that I have forgiven this man but the realisation that I haven’t fully forgiven him was heavy on me. From that moment I made a decision that everyday I’m going to forgive myself, forgive my ex-husband and surrender my heart fully to the Lord. I choose to forgive even when it doesn’t feel like it because it’s the right thing to do and the Bible in Luke 6:37 says “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven”.  

Forgiveness is a journey, it doesn’t just happen overnight, I had to process a lot of negative emotions and allow myself to feel the hurt and the pain, it requires a lot of time and hard work on self. I had to do a lot of self-reflection and forgive myself first before I could even consider forgiving my ex-husband for my past mistakes and my perceived wrongful conduct.

Forgiving myself was not easy because as I did the self-reflection, I had to forgive myself for allowing myself to be treated with so much disrespect, I had to forgive myself because as much as I couldn’t make my ex-husband to do right by me, I’m the one who allowed him I opened the door for him to do me wrong for a very long time. I needed to forgive myself for allowing myself to be submissive to the point that my ex-husband thought I was stupid, I needed to forgive myself for allowing myself to get so angry that my personality changed and I sometimes used my words to crush his ego, I needed to forgive myself for the mistakes and wrongs I’ve done to him throughout our marriage because I’m also not perfect I make mistakes. I dragged out the suffering way longer than necessary, hoping things will magically change, I needed a lot of forgiveness just for putting myself through all that.

I learned that the journey of forgiveness is very personal and the way we approach it may differ depending on the individual. The journey of forgiveness is very liberating, and it leads to an intense healing and endless peace. My journey of forgiveness is full of lessons and the one profound lesson is that not everyone will be sorry for hurting you and we draw our strength from forgiving people who aren't even sorry for hurting us, but we must forgive anyway. Giving myself grace and walking the forgiveness journey is one of the most beautiful gifts I’ve ever gifted myself. Because it is like I’m coming out of a shell filled with hostility, grudge, hatred and animosity walking to my freedom, like I’m coming alive from being dead.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boose

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you -Matthew 6:14🙏🏽🙏🏽

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord - Romans 12:19🙏🏽🙏🏽

Love & Light

Dipsy💚