HOW DID I GET HERE?

 The most common question when we feel overwhelmed and amazed even shocked by our life’s situations is“How did I get here?”. It's in that moment of numbness where we do not or might not understand how our life led to this point that we ask that question. It is mostly an introspective question, a reflection that is prompting us to look back at the events and choices that led one to where one is, in the hope of gaining clarity about one’s position in life and where to go next.

I have my moments where I reflect and in those moments, I find myself asking that question a lot, because honestly if I have to be honest with myself looking back at my marriage journey there were signs that my marriage was not working but I ignored them. I guess me being the dreamer and the optimistic person that I am, I always had hope that things will change and that I will eventually get to the happy place that I’ve always yearned for. However, I have learned that “if your spouse can sit, watch you cry, be comfortable and ignore you while you are begging for him to see you, begging for him to hear you, begging for communication, begging for him to dream with you, if he can fall asleep peacefully, quickly and uninterrupted while you’re still sobbing and upset, sadly that man or woman doesn’t love you. And honestly, chances are they probably never did they were just pretending and playing house with you. I learned that you must choose yourself and love yourself enough to walk away because you will never find the happiness you seek, that person is no longer, nor have they ever been invested in you and your happiness.

The truth is we are all broken in places where people cannot see, and we all have that void that needs to be filled unfortunately we seek to fill that void in all the wrong places. I called settling love, I let bare minimum feel like gold, oftentimes I felt that I've gradually drifted from a path I once knew. The truth is at some point in my life I used walk around thinking everyone can see through me, that everyone can see through the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, the disappointment etc and I would feel shame. When we eventually called it quits and I learned that what I had feared all along was actually my reality, people used to feel sorry for me with all they knew about my life that I didn’t know and that is what actually got me asking myself the question How did I get here? Because when you have a partner that publicly humiliates you by cheating on you, you will always be the last person to know, and people will pity you but will not tell you because they want to protect you.

This question prompts a desire in me to find my way back to where I truly belong. I don’t want to feel like I’m in an unfamiliar and strange place anymore. Seasons change, situations change, people betray you but the one who remains constant throughout is the Lord, He is unchanging and immovable, nothing can stand against Him, He always keeps His promises no matter what and He promised to fight for us and to never leave us.

We’re all hopeful because at some point in our lives we all aspire to something and have dreams, we hold on to our dreams, a promise we’ve been given, hope that people or our situations will change, we are hopeful that our tears would eventually stop falling, we hope for the pain we feel to stop, we hope for clarity instead of chaos, we hold on to the promises of God and wait for our answered prayers. We just hope and trust in the Lord even when we’re disappointed, even when we’re hurting, even when we’re misunderstood, even when our heart is breaking, no matter what we go through or what we feel we continue trusting in the Lord because God knows exactly when to send what we need.

The question got me thinking and feeling grateful that I did not get here by mistake, I got here because God brought me here. God was writing my beautiful story, and He still is. Trust me, when God is writing your story, He doesn’t just pen the highlights, He weaves the mountain tops and the valleys, the delays and the detours on purpose. What feels like waiting and abandonment to you is preparation and set-up of God’s plan for your life. All the challenges, breakup, the rejection, the betrayal, the accusations each scene shapes you and moves you forward into your purpose. In God’s book there are no wasted chapters, every challenge is building towards the ending He has promised and His plan unfolds at the right time always. I know I exists because His Word cannot fail.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; Save me, and I shall be saved, For You are my praise – Jeremiah 17:14🙏🏾🙏🏾

 

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚