SETTING BOUNDARIES AND NEVER EXPLAINING THEM

 

Growing up we learn a lot, one of the most important lessons I got to learn in my journey is setting boundaries. Boundaries are meant to protect one’s emotional, physical and mental well-being. When we set boundaries, we are defining what we will accept and what we will not accept in our personal relationships. It is the most cost-effective (no expensive therapy costs) way to ensuring that we feel secure in forming healthy relationships, this process requires self-awareness, clear communication of our expectations (of ourselves and others) as well as our needs and respect. Boundaries are meant to help us define what is appropriate behaviour in our relationships (behaviour that ensures safety for both parties). Boundaries are also a form of discipline and self-control that leads to good health status and well-being, keeping one in God's "safety zone” (Proverbs 3:5-8🙏🏾🙏🏾)

Boundaries are the interpersonal limits that we set for ourselves that are shaped mainly by our personalities, our culture and our circumstances. This ensures balance, trust and respect in our relationships and our work. Boundaries are not about control but more about managing our own behaviour and protecting our inner peace from people who don’t respect our limits.

I learned my lesson the hard way, I got my fingers burned multiple times, I gave my all to a man who never deserved me but now I know that it’s time for me to become a Q.U.E.E.N. (Quiet, Unapologetic, Empowered, Evolving and Necessary) and this I can only achieve by setting healthy boundaries. I have learned that in order for me to set healthy boundaries I have to stop, shut down the noise around me and honour every version of the woman that I was, the woman I am and the woman I am becoming, the woman that is growing, evolving and reflecting. 

The woman that I was didn’t know her worth, she didn’t know what I know now and it’s okay because that’s how we learn, from not knowing. The woman that I was fought her battles in silence, she loved hard (without limits), she didn’t deserve the judgement and the shame she got from loving a man who didn’t deserve her. The woman that I was deserved to be loved loudly and unapologetic, now it’s the time to shower that woman with my deepest love loudly and unapologetic, to shower her with respect because she deserves that kind of love and respect.

The woman I am now, is still trying to make sense of her situation and she is still trying figure it all out. She is still healing, she is still learning to set boundaries, she is still learning to choose gentleness as well as smoothness over survival, she is still learning to see herself as the queen👑that she is, she’s still learning to be proud of how far she’s come.

The woman that I’m becoming, is a warrior, she is stronger, and she is resilient because of all she had to endure. She is brave, she is strikingly visible, she is tough yet gentle, she is delicate, she is bold, she is determined, she is beautiful, she is calm, she is here (present) and she is forging her own path unafraid with strength, resilience, and wisdom. She is all about showing up for herself in ways you can’t imagine, she is celebrating her resilience, her transformation, her evolution, and her growth, and she knows she doesn’t have to fix anything but to love herself deeply through the becoming with all her flaws.

The beauty about setting boundaries is that I had to learn to recognize my values, I started defining what is acceptable and unacceptable in all my relationships. Even though it was difficult to do but the day I stopped trying to prove that I’m enough, is the day everything shifted and started making sense for me. I started paying attention to the negative emotions (anger, bitterness, resentment, stress, exhaustion etc.), because those were my indicators that the boundaries I have set for myself has been crossed. This made it easy for me to start small, it helped me identify whatever made me feel uncomfortable and set boundaries. Sometimes I fail dismally but it’s okay, I give myself grace because I’m still learning and healing.

I learned that setting boundaries comes with me getting out of my shell, it forced me to be bold as well as firm in communicating my boundaries. I had to learn that I have to in a very polite manner be clear and direct stating my wants as well as my limits, I learned that even in my state of anger I have to convey my message in a respectful manner with kindness but being assertive. The most important lesson I appreciate from my therapy was learning to say “NO”, being taught that “NO” is a full sentence, I don’t have to justify it with an apology nor an excuse especially when declining a request that violates my boundaries liberated me. I also learned that in order for boundaries to work and make sense, I have to follow them through with consequences. This was not easy for me but I’m slowly but surely learning to back up my boundaries with action. If any of the boundaries I’ve set are being crossed, I learned that I should gently remind the person and take action to uphold it. The consequences should be clear to indicate that I mean what I say. I also learned the importance of being consistent as it demonstrates that I’m serious about my boundaries and in that way, I gain the respect.

Setting boundaries helped me decide and establish what is okay and what is not okay in all of my relationships with my friends, my co-workers, and even my family members even practice for my future partner. I learned that boundaries help me in creating my own identity, gives me the space to be myself and boosts my confidence. I learned that me setting boundaries helps prevent the emotional exhaustion that comes from people-pleasing, being too giving, and putting everyone's needs before my own. I learned that it’s important that I give myself permission to feel whatever I need to feel when my boundaries have been crossed. However, it is important to note that not everyone will honour your boundaries but know that people who respect you will honour your boundaries and people who don’t respect you won’t, unfortunately that’s a sad reality in life.

I am not perfect, I am a work in progress, I am God’s masterpiece trying live a peaceful life, learning to take up space for the woman I’m becoming, still learning to love every version of myself from the past version, to the present version and the future version with all that I am, shedding off the fear (what if), full of faith (even if) and hoping that happiness never leaves my heart.

“Love ourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Mercy Said No🙏🏽💕 Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love💖 deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the springs of life - Proverbs 4:23🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚