SHOWING UP IN MY FULLNESS🙏🏽💕🥰

 

There were days when I didn’t wish to wake up, when I used to feel defeated all the time and life was just unbearable, when shame was all I felt. I would blame myself for everything I went through and thought that I was not enough. In those moments I would throw a pity party for myself playing victim, but I had my AHA moment when 2 of my friends said something to me that forced me to face life head on. I remember I was from a therapy session, I met up with them after the funeral service of one of our friends and they said to me “Dips you don’t look good and you’ve given this situation too much power over you than it deserves, you deserve happiness and peace, re kopa o gane ka wena chomi”. I knew then that I had 2 choices, either I spend time in my emotions having a pity party or live my life showing up for myself fully every day.

I had to define and understand what showing up fully for myself meant. and it meant that I had to go with the flow irrespective of how I feel. I had to show up daily and I allow myself to experience whatever I was feeling, all the emotions   negative or positive. In the process I learned that feelings are liquid, they change all the time, they come and go, the question is why do we give them so much power over us? Why do we allow them to define us? Having feelings doesn’t make us insufficient nor inadequate, it only makes us human.

Showing up requires a lot of positive energy, I needed to undo a lot of things done and unlearn a lot of negative bad behaviours as well traits I picked throughout my marriage years. It had to start with me saying enough is enough, I’m no longer going to a be victim of my circumstances, I’m taking my power back. And let me tell you this was not easy because I still had the victim mentality and I was still ashamed, but I fought hard to get myself out of that valley and as hard as it was, it was doable/achievable because I was determined. The best revenge strategy I could ever come up with was to live my life to the fullest, heal, be happy, find inner peace and flourish.

I had to start by being present in every moment and stay present for myself because when we’re present and, in the moment, we feel good about ourselves. Worry, concern, uneasiness, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and hurting don’t exist in the now, they only exist in our past, our history even in our future to an extent. Truth be told each one of us and I mean every single one of us has an innate sense of peace, and rationality that we oftentimes talk ourselves out of with the fearful and negative thoughts that consumes us (For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he - Proverbs 23:7).

I had to learn to find beauty in everything including my pain, to find beauty in not being chosen to feel acknowledged and validated, to find beauty in not being enough, I had to find beauty in the moments I abandoned myself just to keep the peace, I had to find beauty in the moments I ignored my true feelings, I had to find beauty in the moments I fed the negative emotions, I had to find beauty in calling survival strength, I had to find beauty in moments I accepted less than what I deserve, I had to find beauty in accepting less than my worth, I had to find beauty in not choosing me, I had to find beauty in not loving myself enough to walk away sooner. I had to find beauty in knowing that “Nothing I do now can change my past, but that I do have the power to shape my future”.

The beauty in all this is that I have learned, and I am embracing it all, I am showing up with the scars because every scar on my heart turned me into me, the real me, the strong me, the resilient me, the tenacious me and that is the beautiful Dipuo. If you’ve ever been broken then you’ll understand that God breaks us just to make us stand tall and not to destroy us. I decided that I will wake up in God’s presence every day, embracing and manifesting my complete potential, identity and purpose.

I now wake up every day and make a decision that I’m enough, I am loved, I’m overflowing with love, I have a purpose, I have power through faith in Christ🙏🏽💕 I’m happy and I’m a queen👑💖 that I think I am and that is my superpower, what keeps me going and having me show up in my fullness every day💖

I’m grateful that I still have a joyful, unwavering spirit even amid trials because I learned that I am the keeper of my own happiness, having learned that I refuse to hand the key of my happiness to anyone ever again. I have learned that I have to make positive affirmations over my life every day, I have learned that getting knocked down in life is inevitable, getting up and moving forward is a choice I have to make because my dreams are mine to fulfil, and this life is mine to live!🥂💃🏽🥰💖

I wake up every day with a grateful heart knowing that God is a God of second chances, and He is giving me a second chance, so I’m choosing to use my energy differently because I know that I am enough, more than enough. This is how I show up for myself fully every day -  no more worry, no more self-doubt. I manifest, grow, glow, heal, and I am boldly writing a new page of my next chapter while I glow and shine like a diamond 👑🎉💃🏽💖

 

“Dirty water doesn’t stop plants from growing, don’t let negative words stop your progress – unknown”

 

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us – Romans 8:37🙏🏾🙏🏾

 

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚