MOMENTS THAT CHANGED ME

We all have moments that play a major role in shaping who we become, moments that change us. These moments are either going to change you to be the best version of yourself or the worst version of yourself, it is your choice, it’s like the story of the 2 wolves where “the wolf you choose to feed is the one that wins”. Our choices in life shape our reality, they are our constant reminders that our decisions, our thoughts and our actions are not passive, they either cultivate a positive or negative inner strength, spark, and zeal for life. 

I must say that the loss of my mother, was one of the moments that changed me one of the most difficult moments in my life. I still struggle with her loss, but I had a choice to make be sad and dwell in my misery over her loss or celebrate the great woman she was, and all the moments shared with her. I made a decision that I will not dwell in that misery, I decided to celebrate her loudly, to remember her in a good and loving way. My mother was everything to me, my best friend, my prayer warrior, my biggest cheerleader, and my voice of reason however, I must admit there are days when I really miss her, I allow myself to cry and grieve her especially on days when I feel life is being too harsh on me. I honestly believe that she would be able to comfort me like no other person would, she would tell me it’s going to be okay in a way that a mother could say it and it made sense. The loss of a mother is painful because the bond we share with our mothers is sacred. My mother used to hold me while I cried and promise me that tomorrow would be a better day my mother was my rock through heartbreaks, disappointments, important life decisions and new chapters, my mother carried me through moments when I thought, and I was convinced that I couldn’t go on, my mother helped me find grace and strength even through my worst memories and I always knew that even on my saddest days I was never alone in my sadness and even in pain. She was my queen, when she died I honestly believe that something in me, a part of me died with her too and the sad truth is that once a mother’s heart is gone, nothing can bring it back.

The second moment that changed me was when my daughter got raped, any mother’s worst nightmare was now my reality, knowing that I was not able to protect or help her. I still blame myself because I opened my home for the very same person that violated my daughter. I felt powerless watching my child go through pain, anxiety, and emotional turmoil because what she went through right under my nose and from a person who was supposed to protect her. Worst was witnessing my ex-husband the man who was supposed to be her protector protecting the perpetrator and calling my daughter names saying she is manipulative. I have heard of stories where parents don’t believe their children and protect perpetrators, but I never thought that it would one day be reality. This is one of the moments that shattered me and broke me, sadly I started looking my husband differently, I lost all the little respect I still had left for him and if I must confess that’s when I stopped caring for him and my love for him was never the same. To this day he’s still choosing the perpetrator over my daughter but it’s okay because we have surrendered our pain to God and He is slowly but surely healing us for He promised: Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful – Hebrews 10:23🙏🏾🙏🏾

The other moment was when I was betrayed as well as heart broken and crushed by someone I trusted with my life, the one person I thought would protect my heart instead he was the one who broke and crushed my heart. My divorce changed me, it came with a mix of emotions (anger, bitterness, guilt, relief, loneliness, hope, denial, and depression) however, the sad part about my divorce was that I strangely felt liberated. This was the type of liberation I couldn’t quite explain because no one knew the pain and the heaviness I carried while married, the freedom from my toxic marriage was empowering. The freedom I experienced gave me the opportunity to review my priorities, unlearn unhealthy patterns and behaviours, I was empowered to relearn healthy behaviours. I’ve never been so happy that my social circle was not tied to my marriage because mostly people who were in his social circles isolated me and only the right people remained in my life. This experience revealed to me who deserves a sit at my table and who will never sit at it ever again, the experience taught me that my new chapter requires me to be less accessible to any type of toxicity.

These moments however, changed for the better, my divorce pushed me out of my comfort zone, I was forced to do a lot of self-reflection, I had to focus on caring more about myself, I was forced to rebuild my identity and self-confidence. I changed, I learned that sometimes my strength is knowing when to surrender the fight, I learned that my wound is not my fault, but my healing is my responsibility hence my healing became my priority. I leaned on my faith when my heart was bruised, I held on to the hope that love doesn’t lose when people change, it reveals what’s true and that real love doesn’t rush, it rests, it heals, and it will return to me in another time through another person in different circumstances because love always wins💖

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Mercy Said No🙏🏽💕 Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love💖 deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new - 2 Corinthians 5:17🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚