PRAYING FOR A CHANGE OF STORY

 

There was a time when my story was that of heartbreak, anger, bitterness, resentment, tears, pain, betrayal, the list goes on and on and on. I lived in misery, unhappiness, and emotional distress. I used to ask myself will I ever get to be happy; will my story ever change? On the outside looking in, my life seemed really great it seemed like I’m happy but, on the inside, there was this hole and void that I just couldn’t fill, it was a different situation happening altogether. I was chasing happiness, but I just couldn't seem to find that happiness that I was chasing.

I was yearning to be loved, seen, and heard, to be appreciated but most of all I was crying for a peaceful life. I called settling love, I thought confusion was love, I rated my peace very cheap because I settled for way more less than what I bargained for. I stayed through the broken promises, through the silent treatments, through the disrespect and through all the confusion, I always got fed the breadcrumbs. I lost sleep crying in the dark over the love that I didn’t have, I was smiling pretending to be happy when I was dying inside my heart, where pain found a permanent home, I was crying but still I showed up with a faithful, unconditional, unapologetic, and loud love. I prayed and stayed yet nothing changed instead it got worse with each passing day.

Unfortunately, when you’re in the situation you don’t even see when God is at work. I realised later in life that not all marriages are ordained by God, many are human choices influenced by various factors hence some marriages end up in divorce because of those influencing factors and human choices marriage with that particular person that is hurting constantly hurting you in most cases it is not part of our destiny, and I would like to believe that maybe just maybe my marriage was one of those. I prayed hard for things to change, the irony of it is that I wasn’t aware that I was praying for a change of story. I started believing that I’m unlovable, that I don’t deserve happiness because of the way I woke up feeling every day in my marriage and because of the person that I was becoming the person that I didn’t even recognize myself. Little did I know that I’m depended on God's ability to change my story, to give me a new beginning, to restore a life of happiness and laughter, and to transform me and my children through His divine intervention and spiritual renewal. Through prayer, fasting and fellowship, I learned that I must trust God through it all and in the midst of it all, through my testing period I was whispering prayers with tears in my eyes for the manifestation of unexpected miracles, a new perspective, and an exceptional shift in my marriage which was unknowing to me a prayer for a change of story.   

God through His divine intervention is transforming my past life of hardships and disappointments into a new narrative of hope, purpose, His mercy, glory and grace. I’m learning to leave the details to God because when we pray, He listens, and He always answers. 

I will never regret the love I gave to my ex-husband; I know that it will return to me in another time through another person in different circumstances, what I know for sure is that it always comes back because love always wins. I refuse to allow the darkness to win, my heritage is not that of pain but that of happiness, love, light, overflowing joy, peace that only God can give and lots of laughter. I’m ready for a different story that is full of God’s mercy, glory, grace, and His infinite love, I’m ready to experience a life without pain.

I know that one day I will look back at my life and say “God knew exactly what He was doing”. I will be grateful that it all happened when it did and that it all happened to me - For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts – Isaiah 55:8 - 9🙏🏾🙏🏾

I loved until I couldn’t love anymore, I gave my all until I couldn’t give anymore, I poured until my cup was empty, I was empty. I fought until I got tired of fighting for the love that wasn’t meant for me, I tried all the “what ifs?”, I’ve done all I could, and I was just tired of fighting a losing battle. I walked away and by me walking away was not giving up but choosing me for my self-protection, for my growth and for my peace. I’m now protecting my peace at all costs, I let go of the person I thought loved me, I made peace with the fact that he was not good for me and my mental health. This experience opened my eyes to see that I am worth so much more and that I should never compromise my happiness, my peace and my sanity for anyone ever again.

I’m embracing the change, showing up for myself fully, loving myself with all my flaws loudly and unapologetically because what I know now is that I am strong in mind, body, soul, spirit, will and emotions. My strength carried me and still carries me through all of life’s challenges, I celebrate my resilience because I believe God is changing my story one day at a time and I’m embracing the change in all its fullness. Every day I take a moment to allow myself to breathe, to pause and let God’s presence to refresh me because His love is enough for me right where I am.

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Mercy Said No🙏🏽💕 Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love💖 deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland - Isaiah 43:18-19🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚