I DESRVED RESPECT THEN, I DESERVE PEACE NOW

 Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where we feel undervalued or mistreated by the very same people we hold dear in our hearts, the people we love. Sometimes the very same people we love and care about are the ones that teach us the hardest lessons and steal our peace. I have learned that when someone treat me with disrespect, it is their own perception of who they are, their awful conduct in life, I can never change another person but I’m responsible for how I let their bad behaviour affect me. However, I learned that it is my responsibility to set boundaries and refuse to accept disrespect because that is only way, I can teach people to treat me with the respect I deserve. Life can feel heavy, that we sometimes forget what true peace feels like. It’s not okay to forget because we all know that we deserve peace. I know now that I deserve a calm love, the kind that brings peace and comfort, not chaos and confusion.

In my marriage I was afraid to think of myself as worthy because I used to shrink myself so much just to let my ex-husband shine. I was not confident in my decisions; I used to second guess myself a lot and let him decide what I should be doing according to his beliefs. In moments where I showed up as the real me, I was just too much for my ex-husband to handle that he would work very hard to diminish my light and make sure that it stayed dim. I always felt like a toy being tossed in every direction whenever he felt like and let me tell you it was exhausting.

I used to see myself as unworthy, I used to sell myself very short, I priced my peace very cheap all because I loved, I hoped and I believed that if I stayed and endured all the disrespect, I will be loved the way I deserve to be loved. Life humbled me, I was broken in ways unimaginable but through God’s grace, love, and mercy I was able to pick myself up and this was possible because I was vulnerable to the Porter, I showed Him all the broken pieces of my soul and I allowed Him to put me back together bit by bit. God loved me in my brokenness, and He showed me that I’m seeking love and affirmation in the wrong place for He is Love. He showed me that His love was enough, all I need to do is open up my heart and receive it.

I learned that peace comes with a cost, and sometimes it can cost you everything you’ve got. I was in pain, I longed for peace, for sanity and for happiness. I was constantly explaining myself, walking on eggshells around my ex-husband because I could never do right in his eyes. I lived in his shadows; his energy was what defined me because it was bigger than the energy I would use to fight for my peace. I got lost in the chaos, my voice was silenced, I gave my all, my time, and my heart in hopes of building an honest and real relationship but I was never enough. I used to apologize without being at fault, I used to lower my head when I was right, I did for my ex-husband what he could never do for me, I hid my feelings and even I lost count of the times I put my ex-husband’s happiness and peace above my own.

I thank God that through the years I learned my worth, I learned that I deserved WAY BETTER than how I was treated. I know that I’m a beautiful, good, caring, kind and a very loving person, I knew deep down in my heart that I deserve a love that matches my beautiful heart❤️‍I deserved to be loved the way I love, I deserved to be seen, I deserved to be respected, I deserved to sleep besides someone who protects my heart and does not try to quiet my heartbeat. I deserved and still deserve better because I am a unique being, I am valuable, with my own strengths, capabilities, and worth. I deserved and still deserve all the love, peace, respect, and happiness in the world like everyone else.

The challenges, difficulties and setbacks in my life do not define who I am, nor do they diminish my worth and my ability to lead a happy, fruitful, bountiful, and meaningful life. I know for sure that I have the power to choose and determine my own path, to build the life I want for myself and my children, and I deserve to have the best that this life has to offer.

I’ve learned that if I show the real me, not everyone will like me, that’s okay, the people who are worth my time will appreciate me for who I really am. For me to gain my peace I chose me, and by me choosing me I became too much for my ex-husband to handle. Sometimes I show up selfish and it’s okay because through my journey and experience, I learned that the being selfish is okay and good for one’s mental health. The peace I have now is worth all the tears I’ve cried, this peace I have now is worth all the pain I felt when I was still living confused and in the chaos that my marriage brought.

“Never settle for anything less than what you deserve, it’s not pride, its self-respect.” — Chanakya

My peace is the greatest gift I can give to myself; it is not something to be sacrificed for the chaos that others bring into my life. The biggest lesson I learned is that life is already filled with challenges and that you can’t make yourself happy by bringing misery to other people. I value this lesson because I got to understand that if someone cares about you, they care about how their actions impact you and make you feel, this is all you need to know about people if you want them in your life or not. God sees each tear we cry; our tears has meaning to our Father God. He keeps track of all our sorrows just as carefully as if He were gathering each tear and placing it in a bottle for His remembrance (Psalm 56:8🙏🏾🙏🏾). Not one tear we cry is unnoticed by God, He values our tears because He values us. Having learned this, I know I deserve better, and I know that better is what God will give me because He promised to restore everything I lost (Joel 2:25 - 26🙏🏾🙏🏾) my peace and my joy, I’ll always remember that💖because I cried out to the Lord and He gave peace🙏🏽💕

My journey continues and I strive to move towards a happier and more fulfilling life🥂💃🏽🥰 I’m Just A Small Girl With A Big God🙏🏽💕 Mercy Rewrote My Life🙏🏽💕Mercy Said No🙏🏽💕 Grace Has Located Me🙏🏽💕 I Am An Overcomer🙏🏾💕A Very Beautiful Story❤️ Live in the moment, Laugh harder, Love💖 deeply & Celebrate more💕🎉🥂💃🏽🥰

 

Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor - 1 Peter 2:17🙏🏾🙏🏾

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid - John 14:27🙏🏾🙏🏾

Love & Light 

Dipsy💚